Shamed Sons
by Aubrey'Snape
Summary: Juice doesn't think there anything else he can learn about himself worse than his black father; but as Jax takes his seat at the front of SAMCRO Juice it proved to be very wrong.
1. What's Eating You?

A/N: This is my first SOA fiction and my first M/M slash. The first few chapters of this story were taken, added to, and altered a little from the wonderful author BookJunk. I have her full blessing to use her chapters and change it to fit a longer story, but if you want to see the original head over to her profile.

Chibs/Juice

Juice hadn't thought that he could discover something about himself that was worse than who his father had been. To even think like that made him feel slightly disgusted with himself, because what was wrong with being black? But there were rules and traditions and the club stuck to them. Chibs might have treated the news about his father's race with a nonchalance that had been sincere, but this was different, this was so different that Juice didn't know what to do. So instead he was struggling to convince himself that this was a choice.

Not like his roots at all, this was inside him, a switch he could flip and it would be gone so no own would ever find out. It was a choice and he would simply decide to be… not that then everything would be fine.

This year had done a number on him and he deserved some peace of mind; between Potter, Roosevelt, Miles, and every other stupid decision he had made he was ready for a break. A good one to balance out the bad ones, so he had decided that yes, this was a choice.

Except it fucking wasn't and he knew it. He could feel it in every bone of his body, the way his skin prickled with sweat, the way he ached and he wasn't supposed to ache for anything; especially this. For the billionth time he wondered why it couldn't have been Jax, Jax was objectively handsome at least then he'd be able to pretend it was just physical. But even that was bad enough in itself, not much of a reassurance.

He had dreamed about Jax once, it had been met with only a small amount of embarrassment in the morning, he had also dreamed about Tara and Gemma plus several porn stars he had no interest in at all. When that happened, you just chuckled and moved on with your life because dreams meant nothing.

However, the night after Jax had taken his place as the head of the table as president, Juice had woken up clutching the sheets with his body covered in sweat. It was the same nightmare he's been having since he'd killed Miles, the vividness was so real that he swore he could feel the blood spatters on his face. He checked the time more for something to do to get his mind from the nightmare than because he really cared. 2 am. He lay back down with his heart racing when the thought popped into his head, quick and inexplicable, _I wish Chibs were here_.

It had felt natural like cleaning out your apartment and finding something you'd lost, the unexpectedness couldn't disguise the fact that the feeling had been there for God knows how long and when he thought about it, even though he didn't want to, Juice discovered that it wasn't all that sudden or surprising at all. That feeling filled him with shame, he honestly didn't think he could do the hiding, the secrets, the lying; it had almost been too much before, he had almost killed himself before. The murder of Miles had started it, but the fact of his birth father had only made it worse accompanied with the RICO case shit.

Juice spent the rest of the night thinking, wondering if he was cut out for this life not that he was thinking about drastic measures yet but it was definitely an option. This was the only life he knew and the only family he had, what would he do without them? He tried to find a solution over a sandwich that he didn't eat, simply stared at the bread with a frown on his face. His biggest problem was that he was a horrible liar, even more so when it came to his damned crushes. Every girl he had ever liked had immediately figured it out, his jokes became clumsier, his looks longer and more intense; it wasn't hard to spot when he practically telegraphed every emotion he felt.

A few short raps on the door startled him from his thoughts and he hesitantly got up to answer the door to find Chibs on the other side. "You ready, Juicy-boy?"

Juice shrugged absently and grabbed his cut; he pulled it on as he attempted to mask the newfound shame attached to his nickname. When he turned around he almost collided with Chibs who stood blocking the doorway. The smile had fallen from Chib's face to be replaced by a serious expression as the older Scotsman surveyed Juice.

"You look like shite lad, everythin' alrigh'?" Chibs asked his voice laced with concern.

Juice thought '_no I simply know now that I want you'_ but instead of answering with the truth he mumbled about not getting enough sleep.

"Aye, I know what you mean." Chibs expression softened but Juice noticed it didn't lose its wariness. Artificially chipper, Juice slipped past him and though there was no contact their proximity was enough to make Juice feel flushed and hot. He wasn't in any shape to fool anyone, least of all Chibs. This was going to be a very long day Juice thought as he straddled his bike and followed Chibs to the clubhouse.

Chibs still suspected something was wrong but Juice got through the day okay. With a bit of luck Juice would get lost in the shuffled. Jax's earlier days as president were not lacking in problems. Tig's stupid stunt had Laroy on the hunt for them and with Clay still in the hospital the real IRA and cartel deal was on hold. Opie was still MIA and everybody was fucking tense, so hopefully Chibs had enough to worry about on his plate and Juice's odd behavior would be forgotten.

Nonetheless, his nerves were frayed, he needed to do something to take the edge off and usually he went to Ruby when he wanted to blow off steam. The other's teased him about her because he seemed to be permanently unable to break things off with her but he was counting on being able to do it now.

Juice left the clubhouse to go over to Ruby's even though Jax had laid down explicit instructions that no Son was to leave. If he was asked later he'd be able to tell the truth and everyone would just think he was dumb to risk it but they thought he was an idiot anyhow so there wouldn't be any change.

The front door was wide open but he knocked demurely only entering when no one answered him. The whole family was fathered into the living room and one of her brother's told him she was up in her room.

"Ruby! Juan Carlos here for you," they shouted up the stairs but instead of staying put with all the men and woman eyed his cut with interest trying to make conversation, Juice started up the stairs. The thought of having sex with Ruby when her entire family was in the house suddenly made him nervous although there had never been a time there hadn't been at least one member of her family at home. The closer he walked towards her room the louder the music grew and the more he feared he wouldn't be attracted to her anymore.

It was a huge relief to see her sprawled in the bed in her tight jeans and tank top humming along to a son he didn't know and felt his dick twitch at the sight. She was oblivious to his presence and it was obvious she hadn't heard her brother calling or him climbing the stairs. Her attention was riveted on her toe nails which she was leisurely painting. Damn, he had forgotten how much he liked her feet.

Her long, black hair almost reached down to her waist, her top exposing a strip of skin on her lower back where a flower tattoo resided. Her arms were slender, her feet delicate and graceful, bottom line; she was hot as hell. As he watched her from the doorway Juice began to relax, everything was fine; he still wanted to fuck her. Eventually sensing that someone was looking at her Ruby turned the radio off and faced him.

"Hi," he mumbled as his eyes flicked over her face.

"Hi," she responded he voice flat, she regarded him with a mixture of pleasure and annoyance that he had never seen anyone else match, it was uniquely her own, it was hard to imagine anyone else being able to capture those two emotions simultaneously like that.

"Come in," she urged, impatiently, Juice obliged her quickly as he crossed the threshold and closed her door behind him. He took his cut and jacket off while she cleared the bed of magazines, nail polish, and clothes. When he laid the clothing over the back of her chair she let out an amused and slightly derisive snort he acted like he didn't hear. She pulled her shirt off to reveal the black bra underneath as Juice reluctantly approached the bed; her skin was smooth and warm under his fingers as he helped her out of her jeans. Her body was perfect regardless of the unforgiving light on the ceiling.

He tried to ignore the feeling in the pit of his stomach as he shed his own clothes then climbed onto the bed with her.

"Condoms?" she asked, "Figures," she commented when he shook his head. This normally did it for him, the harsh comment, the scornful look she gave him; he would let her dominate him and enjoy every minute of his. Her lust was always so close to contempt that it never failed to get his blood boiling; until now. It didn't matter that he was rock hard and she rolled the condom on him, didn't matter that she so damned beautiful; Juice wasn't feeling it. He wanted to fuck her, yes, but in a theoretical way. Like how he thought about buying a fridge sometimes, his old one worked fine and he really had no intention of getting a new one, it was just something he thought about sometimes.

How screwed up was that? He had about as much interest in sex with Ruby as he did in purchasing a new kitchen appliance, so basically: none. He gently pushed her away and pulled the condom off before he started putting his own clothes on.

"Are you fucking kidding me right now? Why'd you come here if you didn't want to?" Ruby asked with an exasperated frown on her face, her voice was angry as she watched him dress.

Juice stayed quiet as he zipped his pants hoping to find an explanation, "I wanted to want it." She was staring at him in disbelief as Juice looked at her in all her naked glory but it did absolutely nothing for him. His dick took interest in the view but emotionally he felt nothing. What the hell was going on? Since when did he want to theoretically fuck women? Since when did emotions have anything to do with getting laid? He shook his head to clear it as he pulled his jacket and cut back on.

"You're so full of shit," She finally said, she sounded angry but also apprehensive, like she had felt the shift too. Maybe she finally realized he had stopped caring about her.

"I wish—" Juice said as Ruby ordered him out of her room, just as well, he wasn't sure he could have finished that sentence anyway. He quietly descended the stairs and rushed out of the house, kicking the kick stand up on his bike and peeling out. He took a detour to his apartment though it probably couldn't be called a detour anymore; he was actively trying not to go home.

Not that long ago he thought he loved Rube, not he couldn't be bothered to sleep with her. What the hell was wrong with him? Was it that he could only feel that way about one person at a time? That was nice, but was Chibs really the new person, of all people?

It was dark when Juice arrived as his apartment, he sat on his bike as he tried to answer these questions like he had been trying all evening but he didn't like a single answer he'd arrived at. How the hell did he want Chibs when he'd never thought about a guy that way, minus the dream about Jax? He sighed as he dismounted his bike, his shoulders stiff as he shook them loose. His stomach growled with hunger and he thought about the frozen pizza in his freezer hoping he hasn't run out of them.

Juice entered the hall, put his helmet on the side table by the door and shrugged out of his cut. He placed in on a coat hanger in the hallway closet then went to the kitchen and flipped of the light. He stared at Chibs sitting at his kitchen table wondering if maybe this was a nightmare or a wish come true, but Chibs took a drag from his cigarette and Juice accepted that he was really there.

"You scared me half to death," Juice admitted with a nervous laugh, he turned away immediately but nothing could erase the images of Chibs sitting at his kitchen table, comfortable to his core as if this was his home. His gun was on the table but he was extraordinarily relaxed, all of the Sons kept their guns and knives close at hand.

"Good, why don't you answer your phone?" Juice kept his back to his friend as he dug his phone out of his pocket and checked it to see six missed called flashing on the lit screen; all from Chibs.

"Sorry, I was with Ruby," he half-lied. "Was it important?"

"Nobody was supposed to go out on his own." 'Nobody was supposed to go out on his own.'

"Yet here you are, you came here alone," Juice pointed out, he felt like a coward but he didn't want to turn around, he was afraid that he would give everything away with just one look. He slowly opened the fridge, more for time to think than him actually being hungry; this situation getting more fucked up by the second. He couldn't even face Chibs, what the hell was he going to do? What would the club do? What—What would Chibs do?

"I covered for your ass, again. Jesus Christ Juice, I was fuckin' worried. Now, you're going to tell me what eating you and why you've been acting off.

Chibs/Juice

A/N: Let me know what you think if you have time please. Thank you.


	2. W'e're Good

**A/N: Again, anything you recognize in this chapter is of the brilliant making of BookJunk; the original creator of this story. I have complete permission to use her story and change it a bit. For the original, head over to her profile and give it a read. **

**Chibs/Juice**

Think, there's not enough shit going on to be losing sleep over, think, Juice urged himself. Think of something, anything, anything but the truth.

He finally turned around and cleared his throat, "I'm not happy about this Laroy situation."

Chibs looked at him, or through him as it seemed, taking his time with Juice's obvious lie. He exhaled three puffs of smoke but his eyes remained fixed on Juice as the smoke dissipated, Juice tried to maintain eye contact as he tugged at his own shirt nervously. At Chibs' disapproving look however, he released the fabric and let his hands fall to his side instead.

"Bullshit, nobody is happy about that but I don't see anyone else jitterin' and sweatin' all over the place." Chibs said after a tense silence. "You ain't still hung up about that half-arsed attempt at blackmail are ya?"

Juice flinched but before he could gather his wits and insist that it did still bother him, not entirely untrue, Chibs dismissed the idea as he tapped the ash of his cigarette on the ugly, clay ashtray on the table.

"No, that ain't it, it's something else," Chibs murmured to himself, he looked at Juice in speculation as if he'd be able to get the truth from the younger man by sheer force of his will. He indicated that Juice should sit down with a nod of his head, but Juice remained standing where he was, the kitchen counter was a much better option that being close to Chibs.

"Okay, you're right, it's about the future of the club, just wondering whether we'll survive." Juice lied again, rambling slightly as he allowed himself to wipe the sweat on his brow. He looked at Chibs and almost graoned when he saw that Chibs wasn't buying it.

"That's a legitimate concern but it ain't what's bothering you and I swear you try to feed me any more shite, I'll beat it out of you." Chibs warned, he smiled at Juice but his eyes told Juice he wasn't kidding. They both waited, Juice leaning against the counter in an attempt as a casual pose while Chibs was effortlessly calm smoking his cigarette. It was a silent battle of wills; Juice's against Chibs's.

Juice watched the man as he closed his lips around the filter, thinking about how it was a strangely sensual gesture. _Fuck, fuck, fuck,_ Juice thought. It was all falling apart, he was falling apart. He was tired and afraid, telling Chibs might be the worst thing he could do although it could also be the best thing too. The last time he had a secret that could be his undoing; he had gotten blackmailed into betraying his club only to find out that, in the end, his secret didn't matter. It was Chibs that had told him it didn't matter; it was this man sitting in front of him calmly smoking his cigarette that had reassured him.

Either way, Juice would finally know whether his fear was justified our not, sighing he shoved the chair back and sat down heavily opposite his friend. He was careful to keep his distance though, no knees brushing again knees. Chibs slid his pack across the table and Juice took it gratefully but was sure not to touch Chibs's fingers. He tapped the pack against the side of the table while he fished in his pocket for a lighter, but Chibs beat him to it. He leaned forward a little too eagerly and wanted to slap himself.

There was something flirtatious involved in accept a light, he always thought, an intimacy in the actions, even between strangers. Ruby used to accept a light for her cigarette by softly touching his fingers, drawing the flame in. Juice took a deep drag and attempted to diminish all the inappropriate thoughts of Chibs rolling through his mind; it wasn't easy.

"Thanks. Can't you just let it slide and leave it alone?" Juice asked in a last ditch effort to drop the subject. Chibs put his stub out in the ashtray but pulled out another one, he scratched his chin as he appeared to mull it over.

"After your failed attempts to shuffle this as shite to do with the club, hell no." They stared at each other again, the battle of wills back full force as Juice's mind raced. Despite what the majority of the club believed, he wasn't an idiot; he knew that things could be fucked up at the moment but under the surface the club was in even more shit than the superficial shit with their deals and alliances. Tig's guilt about his inability to keep Clay from getting shot was messing with his head, Gemma, Clay, and Jax where all tense as hell as well as Opie's continued absence that suggested he had an issues with the entire Charming charter.

It was all relative, but right now Chibs was one of the few Sons who were okay. Juice hated to think that he was adding more trouble to the mix, but he was tired of lying. Couldn't do it anymore. After everything that Chibs had done for him, he owed him an honest answer. Still, he discovered it was hard to find the words. The sad truth was that Chibs's reaction was far more important to him than the reaction of the club.

"Jax asked you and you said you were fine," Chibs prodded mercilessly.

"I was," Juice insisted.

"What changed then?" Chibs questioned, he extinguished his cigarette despite it being barely lit.

"Nothing," Juice said but his mind was screaming _everything_. Chibs' stare turned brutal at his lie and in one swift movement he stood, causing his chair to clatter to the floor.

"What the fuck are you doing then?" Chibs asked his anger restrained yet still terrifying. Juice took a slow drag from his cigarette and remained seated as Chibs towered over his panting with fury. Juice stayed silent but the piercing quality of Chibs' gaze was beginning to wear down his resistance. "Well?" Chibs growled out finally losing patience.

_I can't protect you from it if I don't know what you're hiding._

That's what Juice wanted to hear, but that wasn't going to happen, Chibs's loyalty was to Fiona and Kerrianne firstly, then to the club and Jax. If a secret hurt the club there was no telling what Chibs would do, all Juice could hope for was a little sympathy.

"I wish it wasn't true," Juice whispered his head drooping as shame flooded his system, he looked up into Chib's face appealing for mercy. Chib's uttered a few heartfelt profanities and picked his chair up when he saw the misery written on seeing Juice's misery.

"Come on, Juicy-boy, it's me. Whatever it is, it can't be as bad as you think it is, so tell me." He pleaded his voice gentler now as he sat down in his chair.

"I think I love you," Juice blurted out, not able to agonize over it any longer. Chibs regarded his with confusion, clearly the thought that this was a preamble to the actual confession.

"I love you too," He responded simply but frowned when Juice shook his head. He felt sick, his stomach twisting in nerves and shame, the fingers holding his cigarette trembled despite his hard effort to keep them steady.

"No," Juice insisted shaking his head, "Not the way I love you." He watched Chibs's face closely as what he was trying to say clicked into place.

"Damn."

"Yeah, damn," Juice repeated dully, echoing the sentiment was the only thing he felt up to at the moment. His stomach twisted more when Chibs stood up and paced around the kitched glancing at Juice every so often. The Scotsman pulled a hand through his hair as Juice continued to watch him, the pain in his stomach actually making him feel like he was going to vomit; the only thing that helped him keep his composure was the cigarette.

"Jesus Christ, Juice," Chibs muttered, he seemed to make a decision because he grabbed his gun from the table and shoved it into his waistband. "Grab your gear," He commanded then walked out of the kitchen.

Juice scrambled to get his helmet and cut then followed the older man outside. His hands were shaking so much that he had trouble getting his chin straps fastened. When they were finally secured and he was ready, he looked at Chibs for some sort of cue but Chibs' expression was inscrutable. He started the engine of his bike and issued a final order over the engine.

"Follow me to the club."

"Pussy?" Jax asked as Chibs led Juice into the clubhouse.

"Aye, Ruby." Chibs answered before Juice realized that the question was directed at him. Tig gave Juice a gross wink but he didn't notice he was too busy processing what was happening. If Chibs have taken him to the club to rat him out to everyone, why didn't he just say "no dick"? Why drag it out? He looked around him and noticed that everyone was in the clubhouse, only Clay and Bobby were missing. Tara nodded to Jax before she retired to a room in the back while Gemma remained at the bar.

"Moron," Jax said as he lightly slapped the back of Juice's head. Juice smiled dopily in response, still not sure what exactly was going on.

"Listen," Jax said, turning from Juice to address everyone, he paused briefly, seeming reluctant to continue. "It won't be safe until we straighten this Laroy situation out, so I'm ordering a lockdown. You sleep here, you eat here; if you need to go out it's never on your own. That counts for members and prospects." Juice received a pointed look during Jax's speech but the president made brief eye contact with everyone.

There was an awkward silence following his speech, Juice was confused; Laroy was the threat? Their ranks had been diminished but this seemed like a bit of an overreaction. They couldn't hide, that didn't look good, it would make the club look weak and appearances meant everything in this life. Judging by the looks everyone was sharing, they all felt pretty much the same, no one looked especially eager to openly question Jax's authority however. Juice's own problems were suddenly forgotten although he was absolutely certain he didn't want to be stuck there with Chibs 24/7.

Tig, of all people, was the one who eventually cleared his throat and stepped forward ignoring the warning glance Chibs shot in his direction.

"That'll look—" He began hesitantly but Jax turned on him before his sentence was finished.

"I don't give a shit how it looks!" Jax snarled, he took a deep breath and visibly pulled his anger in. Gritting his teeth and reduced to response to a muttered, "I swear to God Tig" before he stalked off, brushing his mothers' attempt to stop him without acknowledging her presence. He disappeared in the same direction that Tara had gone obviously going to talk to his wife. Tig made a move to follow him but Chibs stepped into his path, there was a tense stand-off between the two men until Chibs shook his head.

Surprisingly Tig backed down with a muttered, "I know, I know" but he threw his hands up in frustration and walked out of the clubhouse. Some cool air seeped in before the door closed and the tension in the club dissipated. In the silence that ensued Juice felt his own anxiety over his situation return full force and when he turned to Chibs the Scotsman gruffly suggested he get some sleep before walking away.

The prospects guided Juice to his sleeping place and he lay down as Ratboy and Filth Phil changed which meant more than just taking off their cuts and shoes, and then crept under their own covers. Juice ignored their attempts to lure him into their whispered conversation about the recent developments pretending to be asleep instead. His mind was racing with unanswered questions though; why hadn't Chibs said anything yet? Was Chibs going to bring it up in the morning? How in the hell was he supposed to get any kind of sleep with this hanging over his head?

Juice listened hard to the talking that was coming from the bar, but he wasn't able to make out any words. It wasn't a lively one, sometimes nothing said for minutes on end, occasionally Chibs would speak his Scottish lilt easy to pick out but it wasn't loud enough to distinguish words. Gemma commented once in a while, her female voice also easy to pick out, and after a while he heard Tig come in. The back and forth murmuring when on for ages making Juice consider getting up to join them, but he was too chicken shit. He didn't want to get kicked out of the club sooner than necessary so he waited until the chairs scraped over the floor and everything was silent.

He listened to the snoring prospects, though Ratboy's breathing was more wheezing than snoring, and he lay awake staring at the ceiling for hours. He tried at one point to close his eyes and drift off but he worried then worried some more until he growled in frustration. Quietly he threw his blanket off of himself and snuck out of the club not bothering to slip a shirt on. The cold night air was welcome after the suffocating warmth inside but it made goose bumps jump out across his skin. The usual lights where on in the garage lot but they were bright enough to reach the club, as his eyes adjusted to the light he looked around and saw a pinprick of light by the picnic table. He watched it burn bright red before fading in confusion before Chib's voice startled him.

"Couldn't sleep either?" Juice made his way over in the dark following the scent of the cigarette until his legs bumped against the table. Chibs said nothing to make him think he was unwanted so Juice sat himself on the bench.

"There were—are things on my mind," He admitted. The cigarette end lit up again causing the harsh red ember to light up Chibs's face. He was sitting on top of the table; he shifted a little causing Juice to look at him but could only make out the shape of his body.

"You've got nothin' to be ashamed of lad," Chibs stated bluntly, the topic they were discussing was unmistakable; Juice was taken aback as he looked up at him. The light from the lot framed Chibs, blurring his edges and making it impossible to see his expression but Juice could tell he was staring into the distance.

"No?" Juice asked, impressed again at the ease of which Chibs got to the heart of the matter. He wanted to feel relieved at Chib's words but he didn't, if anything his stomach twisted again.

"No," Chibs confirmed firmly. There was a pause where Juice allowed the possibility that this might be true and Chibs took another deep drag from his cigarette. "Tig'll do anything with two legs." Chibs added out of the blue causing Juice to look back at the man with a confused look on his face.

"What, like animals or something?" Juice asked, later he blamed his clueless response on his constant worrying, severe lack of sleep, and the late hour. The only answer he got from the older Scot was a chuckle, it took a couple seconds before Juice made the connection and it was simultaneously mind-blowing but not entirely unexpected. This new revelation shed some revealing light on a lot of Tig's more bizarre comments. "The club knows and they're fine with it?"

"We've all been in prison Juice, as long as Tig doesn't introduce a guy as his old lady, nobody cares." Chibs elaborated, his tone matter-of-face and emotionless. Tig's lack of sexual preferences was common knowledge even though Juice had never heard anyone talk about it apparently.

"Kind of like 'don't ask, don't tell'," Juice mumbled unsure on what to make of this new information.

"Aye."

"So… We're good?" It was the million dollar question, that as far as the club was concerned, nothing had changed was fucking great but Juice needed Chibs to be okay with it. He saw and heard the Scotsman shift as he cast another long look out beyond the fences surrounding the lot then nodded.

"We're good."

**Chibs/Juice**

**A/N: Let me know what you think please if you've got a moment. **


	3. Fix It

It hadn't even been a day since the ordered lockdown; technically it was still the same day as when Jax uttered those words since Juice hadn't yet slept. Nobody was especially happy about it, he suspected it was because it reminded everyone too much of jail, which was actually a pretty good comparison. It wasn't bad if there was something to do but Juice hated being cooped up. Clay needed to be out of the hospital for them to finalize the deal with the Irish and rationally Juice understood it, but emotionally sitting around and waiting was killing him. So he was upgrading their security, as per Jax's request.

The camera's showed that Happy was in the lot with Gemma and the prospects; from the prospects demeanor you would have guess they were relaxing but Gemma and Happy looked completely tense. Gemma looked irritated, while Happy looked just as menacing as always; ready to snap someone's neck if asked to. There wasn't really anything to watch, a bunch of kids were standing why the gate none of them looking over twenty and most of them dressed in hoodies and baggy jeans; all of them were dressed in blacks, greys, and navy's.

Tig had been annoying the shit out of him for the last half hour by suddenly popping up behind him to look over his shoulder at the footage as if he expected something bad to happen. "Fuckin' kids," Tig mumbled as he plopped down on the couch again. Juice knew was came next though; Tig got up after three seconds and jumped up on the stripper platform, he'd walk around the pole again before sauntering over to the dart board Juice didn't have to turn to know that Tig was giving them a woeful stare before putting them down and veering in his direction. Again.

This was probably the 25th time Tig had performed this routine and it took all of Juice's restraint not to snap at the man. He calculated how long Chibs and Jax had been gone more to keep his mind off the hovering of Tig than because he actually cared. They had left the clubhouse to go visit Bobby in prison, something Juice would have like to do because it would have at least gotten him out of here.

Ten more minutes of Tig breathing in his ear and Juice got a respite when Tig went to the bathroom, he noticed Jax and Chibs were rolling to a stop at the gate getting off their bikes to chat with the kids. The talk seemed friendly enough though Jax was probably telling them to clear out, a movement at the back of the group caught Juice's eye and he thought he saw the boy dressed in camouflage had a gun.

Of fuck, he thought as he raced out the door, he hollered at Happy who immediately jumped up to follow him. Jax and Chibs appeared to be unaware of the danger because they were still talking to the kids. He pushed Chibs to the side, Happy at his back Juice knew, and he broke through the circle of boys putting a knife to the throat of the one with the gun.

"Drop the gun," Juice ordered, his heart pounding like crazy and hid fingers slick from sweat on the knife's handle. He gazed into the boy's brown eyes and watched as the kid's pupils contracted with fear, the kid looked barely 15. Jax demanded what was wrong from behind him but Juice ignored him and urged the boy to comply again. "Drop it. Now."

The boy dropped what he was holding and Juice backed off when it didn't sound like a gun as it hit the ground. "What the hell dude?" The boy muttered, his voice shaking in fear and anger. The entire group looked down at his black iPhone lying on the ground; it didn't even look like a gun. Juice's embarrassment spiked again when Ratboy and Filthy Phil joined the group, comically the bikers attention shifted from the cell on the ground to Juice's face all wearing looks that pretty much echoed the kid he had attacked for no reason: what the fuck?

Gemma snickered softly when she realized what had happened while Juice clumsily apologized to the boy and the kids left as Jax approached Juice. The club president seemed weary, as if his nights had been spent tossing and turning more than actually sleeping.

"You need a break from surveillance, go get some clothes and stuff from your place with Chibs, take a car."

"I'd rather go alone on my bike," Juice said, he could see Chibs' head whip around in his direction to stare at Juice.

"No, take a car. Bikes are loud and too conspicuous." Jax commanded as he turned around and grabbed his own bike.

"But—" Juice said to his back but Chibs but a hand on his shoulder to stop him. Juice didn't look at the Scot instead he looked down at the hand on his chest then lifted his eyes to meet Chib's his eyes hard and walked away from the man.

The car ride to Juice's apartment passed in silence, Chibs refused to look at him and Juice was pretty sure he wasn't the only one pissed off. Juice had his seatbelt off and was out of the car before Chibs had even fully come to a stop, he entered his apartment alone and threw some clothes, his razor, toothbrush, and other essentials into his bad. Once his bag was packed he sat on his bed trying to put off the dreaded drive back to the club house. He lit a cigarette with trembling hands before he stood again, his anger broke its barrier and he kicked his bedroom door causing the wood to splinter.

He's slipped up, lost his cool; Chibs knew it and Jax obviously suspected something too. He felt himself slipping back into the same state of paranoia as before when he killed Miles. "Keep it together," He whispered, at least Jax didn't know the whole of it, he probably just thought Juice was cracking up the strain of the club's shit. His head snapped up as he heard the car door slam outside and he looked down at the broken door thinking of how to fix it before Chibs came inside but it was too late, Chibs had already entered to apartment and was looking between Juice and the broken door.

"Stop acting like a fuckin' idiot! You keep this up and how long do you think it will take for the club to decide you're a liability." Chibs yelled his voice and face showing his fury. Juice pulled in a deep drag from his cigarette and studied the other man before nodding listlessly. "You've got nothin' to say fer yerself?"

Juice expelled the breath and smoke from his lungs without answer the Scot; he tried to sidestep Chibs but the man pushed him backwards into the room. Juice's eyes shot up to Chibs's with anger in them; they were standing close to each other and Juice didn't feel anything besides anger. He had screwed up, knew it too, he was supposed to act normal, not let it show that he cared far more about the man before him that he should care about any of the other Sons. Instead Juice had rushed into a situation roughly elbowing Chibs out of the way and confronted the perceived armed assailant with, not a gun, no a knife. A fucking knife.

The others might have thought he was a fool but the two of them knew the truth, Juice wasn't surprised it freaked Chibs out, it freaked the hell out of him. "Look, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have reacted like that, didn't mean to, it was knee-jerk reaction and I wish I had handled it differently." Juice said and the unspoken words hung in the empty space between them. Chibs stayed quiet and Juice rolled his eyes as he tried to walk around the man again.

"Fat lot of good wishing's gonna do; what's done it done." Chibs mumbled making nothing at all better. Juice rubbed his temples as he felt a headache coming on. Chibs placed his hand on Juice's neck gently and Juice looked up at Chibs encouraged by the comforting gesture, but the other man avoided his gaze.

"Tell me nothing's changed," Juice requested. _I wish I wasn't too much of a coward to ask what it is I really want to know. _

"Nothing's changed," Chibs repeated adding an extremely tentative "Juice". Juice's stomach dropped into his feet as his friend groaned as he righted himself and lifted Juice's bag over his shoulder. Juice followed but as he tried to catch Chib's eye he realized that Chibs hadn't looked at him directly the entire day. Not since his confession.

_I wish you weren't a fucking liar. _Juice thought as they drove back to the clubhouse, once parked in the lot Juice threw his door open yanked his bag out of the back on stormed off ignoring the sound of his name coming from Chibs.

**A couple of days later**

"Leave the door open," Juice requested, Ratboy obeyed, pausing to jam something under the door to keep it from closing behind him before he entered to room. The door being propped open didn't make any difference, the heat was so intense that a breeze wouldn't have helped, not that a breeze was likely.

"Want a beer?" Ratboy asked holding one out to him.

Juice swiveled in his chair and accepted the cold drink Ratboy extended towards him. The condensation on the bottle made his grip it tighter to prevent it from slipping from his hand. He popped the top off it and felt better as the cold liquid slid down his throat into his stomach.

"Thanks." He tried to think of something else to say, to keep the conversation going as well as give himself something to do besides monitoring the surveillance screens. "Hot huh?" He asked but immediately wanted to slap himself, the weather had been the same for the last several days but Ratboy nodded his agreement. Juice noticed that the prospect was sporting an unnatural red color on his forehead; he was slightly sunburned. It was hot in the room he was in but it was obvious that it was worse outside. All set to resume his surveillance, Juice noticed the second bottle in the prospect's hand. He contemplated downing his drink in a hurry and claiming that one too, but Ratboy seemed to read his thoughts.

"It's for Chibs," he quickly explained.

A cursory glance at the cameras showed that Chibs was currently lying underneath a car. His attempt to locate the problem had taken up most of the morning. Fixing the problem promised to last the better part of the afternoon. Juice had followed the slow progress; careful not to spend too much time watching that single section of the lot. So, he'd also monitored the gate and observed how Ratboy was never far removed from an increasingly irritated Gemma.

""I'll take it to him," Juice offered.

"No, that's okay. I'll do it," Ratboy insisted clearly thinking that Juice would drink it for himself, Juice had to admit that it wasn't a far-fetched suspicious but he got up and stretched his aching back with a groan.

That chair and the screens had been his world for the last few of days. He had practically been glued to them yet he hadn't seen anything worth reporting. Nothing had happened with regards to the Laroy: Juice wasn't sure whether that was a good or bad thing. Either way, his eyes needed a rest.

"Okay, I'll come with you."

When he stepped outside after Ratboy, Juice was struck by the sudden shift in temperature. Somehow he still hadn't counted on it being this fucking hot. It seemed as if the weather right now was just preparation. The heat wave wasn't the main event: these dog days were nothing more than a prelude to the storm that would inevitably break. Soon.

Only Chibs's shoes were visible as they poked out from under the front bumper. Juice softly kicked the left one and Chibs rolled himself out from under the car. He was wearing jeans and a black sleeveless shirt. Shielding his eyes against the sun, he squinted up at Juice and the prospect.

"Beer? Gemma said you could use refreshments," Ratboy told them. With the back of his hand, Chibs wiped the sweat off his glistening forehead. Before taking the proffered bottle, he acknowledged Juice's presence with a tight nod. Juice didn't take it personal, because it wasn't.

Following the confession and the incident at the gate, Juice was trying his hardest to pretend that the status quo was more or less restored to normal. It appeared that Chibs was doing the same. The Scotsman still hadn't properly looked at him, but that was alright. It was a lot to process for now, everything was as alright as it could be.

"She said that, huh?" Chibs asked. His eyes roamed around the lot until they came to rest on Juice then, to his amazement, Chibs winked. Juice swallowed thickly as he felt his face flush.

"Didn't Jax ask you to keep an eye on her?" Chibs continued. He looked at the prospect with amusement then at Juice and they shared a knowing look.

"Yeah," Ratboy nervously confirmed. His gaze flitted between the two men as he grew more and more agitated; he clearly didn't understand what Chibs was getting at so Juice took pity on him.

"She gave you the slip."

"Probably long gone by now," Chibs added. It was difficult to figure out whether this was meant to reassure the prospect or to further fuel his distress. It didn't matter, since Ratboy didn't hear it as he swiftly went to investigate the main office of the garage. Realising he was still holding his half-finished beer; Juice brought the forgotten bottle to his mouth. It was lukewarm by now, but hid his smile nicely. When Ratboy came out of the office, he scanned the lot when he didn't see Gemma he began to panic.

Juice glanced at Chibs to see that the older man was having trouble keeping a straight face as well. Their eyes met briefly only to look away and they immediately cracked up into laughter. Ratboy crossed the lot and ran into the clubhouse and their laughter got louder at the sight of the prospect worrying. Juice was still chuckling to himself when he noticed a smudge of blood on Chibs' shoulder above his tattooed cross. Juice stared at it for a moment wondering if he had cut himself and without thinking about it he leaned forward to wipe the blood away.

A sharp pain shot through his arm when Chibs grabbed his wrist suddenly, the pain made Juice drop his beer which remained miraculously upright and unbroken, the dull clank on the asphalt but Juice barely heard it through the blood roaring in his ears. He bite his lip to keep from crying out in pain as he watched Chibs glance furtively around the empty lot.

"Just shelve that shit, Juice," Chibs urged his voice as harsh and biting as he grip on Juice's wrist, "whatever it is you're feeling, it doesn't fucking matter. Bury it."

'I w—" Juice protested.

"What is it with you and your wishes?" Chibs snapped and Juice's heart sank, he tried to wrench his wrist free his anger surfacing when Chibs merely tightened his grip; they glared at one another until Juice forced a sentence out between his clenched jaw.

"I was trying to tell you that your shoulder's bleeding," Juice said hotly, Chibs peeked at his shoulder and cursed when he saw the blood, he immediately released Juice's wrist and looked into his brown eyes.

"Juice—"

Chibs appeared at a loss for words, how did he apologize for thinking a friendly show of concern was a come on? The silence between them grew to a suffocating point, Juice trying to keep his anger in check and Chibs trying to find the words to apologize. Both of them were saved from their own dilemma's however when a cough came from behind them. Juice turned to look behind him to find Jax standing behind them. Juice felt his face flush and he stepped away from Chibs as though the man was on fire.

Juice spat on the ground angrily narrowly missing Chibs who looked at him with a startled look on his face when he saw blood mixed with the saliva. Juice threw him one last loathing look as Jax beckoned him over and he turned on his heel. One minute everything was fine and they were laughing the next Chib's nearly breaks his wrist. Whatever mutual ground they had settled on was officially fucked; no point in pretending everything was fine. He clenched his jaw repeatedly as he fought against the urge to cry over the pain in his wrist.

As he walked over to Jax he inspected the damage, it was covered in angry red blotches and he rubbed furiously at the sore skin. He looked closer and could actually see the perfect outline of Chib's fingers pressed into his wrist. The club president waited patiently while Juice inspected the damage. Jax opened his mouth to say something but Ratboy appeared at his side quietly and carefully explaining that Gemma was gone.

Jax didn't bat an eye, "Gemma can do whatever the hell she wants," he mumbled. A visibly relieved Ratboy hurried away, Juice and Jax walked into the clubhouse, Jax motioning to Chibs before they walked through the door. A

"Did he ream you out for the stunt you pulled the other day?" Jax asked.

"Yeah." Juice said with more force than was necessary. If Jax thought the tension he just walked into was because of the incident with the kids Juice wasn't going to correct him.

"Well, it was stupid and potentially suicidal. We thought you had shed your death wish Juice," Jax commented clearly 'we' meant him and Chibs.

"I have. I'm fine. Everything's fine," Juice replied hoping he sounded convincing.

They passed the bar and went into the Chapel; Jax sat down in the president's chair with a grimace. The action alerted Juice to lines that were on his face, ones that hadn't been there a week ago. Clearly the president couldn't handle anymore shit, but he wasn't going to tolerate it either. Jax looked at Juice's wrist pointedly and the evidence of the violent encounter wasn't fading.

"It's the heat. Everyone's getting on each other's nerves," Juice supplied causing Jax to raise his eyebrows in open skepticism but Juice held fast on his excuse. Jax scrutinized his face for a few more moments before he sighed and nodded his head in acceptance of the explanation. Juice suddenly had the feeling that the president was about to confide in him, which Juice thought was odd because Jax usually handled his problems alone. Juice would never say, but that was one of the guy's biggest problems.

"Lockdown isn't really helping matters, I gather." Jax said clearly, Juice was reluctant to criticize the security measures so he simple shrugged. Doubt was a dangerous thing he knew, but he wasn't going to say it out loud, Chibs was Jax's advisor, not him. Jax nodded into the silence but after an apparently brief internal struggle he said quietly. "I'm just trying to keep everyone alive," he admitted.

Juice wasn't sure how he should respond to that so he tipped his head to the side in a gesture he had seen Chibs do when he was listening to someone. Juice knew that protecting the club and its members was the core description of the president's role and Jax had been doing it even before he had become president.

They stayed there for a while, Jax was slipping back into brooding, which he did a lot lately, while Juice wondered how well the club was served by a president who doubted himself. A president who had so much on his mind that he swallowed Juice's paper thin excuses, because he couldn't afford to care, a president who shouldered a burden that was maybe too heavy.

Eventually, realizing that their talk was over, Juice left. Jax called after him.

"You and Chibs? Whatever it is: fix it."


	4. Thanks A lot

**A/N: This chapter, like the last three, are all the making of BookJunk; I have complete permission to use the story and change it. If you'd like to read the original, head over to that profile. **

**Friday**

Insomnia had reared its ugly head again only this time it wasn't shame or worry that was the cause, those emotions were completely eclipsed by Juice's seething resentment and anger at Chibs. The man had reverted back to not looking at him except for the occasional sideways glance.

The summer continued its relentless streak, every surface baking in the sun's beam. Its feverish warm made being outside during the day unbearable but the temperature inside was hardly an improvement either. Sundown made the heat less suffocating, but not by much. Everyone was anxious for the promised storm to alleviate all the tension.

Church had wrapped up after two hours of discussing club business and a half-hearted party was being held at the bar but there were not stripers, no porn stars. In fact, other than Gemma and Tara, there were no women. Juice ignored the lure of the alcohol, instead heading to the bathroom to take a much needed leak.

When he opened the door however, he saw that Chibs was already in there, new resentment and anger flared up again and Juice tried to bow out sarcastically. But Chibs pulled him into the bathroom then locked the door and stood in front of it.

"Aren't you scared I'm going to jump you? Ain't that why you did this?" he asked his humor and tone venomous as he displayed the dark bruises on his wrist, the crappy TL lighting made them look even worse. "Fuck you, so much for nothing having changed." Juice bitterly concluded as he moved around Chibs and unzipped his pants. He was so consumed in his anger that he didn't notice something was off until he was washing his hands.

Chibs was staring at him in the mirror and he kept up the pretense that the scot wasn't there while he waited for the other man to leave. Wasn't it bad enough that the guy had been on his mind constantly? Everywhere he turned he seemed to see Chibs. He caught Chibs staring at him in the mirror and he mouthed "fuck off" in the mirror refusing to turn around to face the Scotsman.

"I'm sorry," Chibs offered, his voice was sincere, as if he actually cared. Juice rolled his eyes, fuck him, he wasn't being dragged back through the mud by this guy.

"Yeah, well. Whatever," Juice muttered, he raised his eyes to Chib's and watched as something flashed in the other man's eyes at the refusal to accept his apology.

"You wanna know you?" Chibs asked, his voice was very low, his accent thick with the anger lacing his voice. Juice rolled his eyes again and gave into the urge to steady himself, he stretched his arms and leaned against the sink. The searing pain in his wrist made him grit his teeth but otherwise he ignored it.

"No thanks, I'm good with not hearing your excuses." Movement came from behind him but before he could turn around Chibs had shoved him away from the mirror. Juice tried to speal but his throat was too dry and he ended up slammed into the wall. Chibs took a step forward until his body was pressed up against Juice's his body tense. They stared at each other, their mutual breathing loud in the small room. Chib's fingers were twisting the front of Juice's shirt making the cotton blend feel like barbed wire. Roughly Chib's kissed him, it was fast and over before Juice could stop trying to push him away and pull him closer.

"That's why."

Juice smiled, not once did it cross his mind that Chibs might want him too, but most he had dared hope for what that his attraction would tear the friendship completely apart, though that hadn't happened. His smile faltered when he saw the look on Chibs's face, the infuriated look on his face made Juice's stomach twist; he was already regretting it. Juice approached his friend but Chibs simply put a hand on his chest to stop him.

"Not here," He warned and Juice's worries eased somewhat, apparently he was anger with his own lack of restraint not Juice. The problem wasn't _what_ they were doing, but rather _where_ they were doing it. There was wisdom in his words as Tig sauntered in seconds after they stepped away from each other. Unencumbered by the company, Tig wasted no time in whipping his dick out and emptying his bladder.

"God bless Unser huh?" Tig said when he saw their uncomprehending faces, he finished urinating and zipped up, while he washed his hands he elaborated. "A little birdie name Unser told Jax that Laroy's off to Oakland for a couple of days.

Juice absently scratched his collarbone as he thought about the unfamiliar coarseness of Chibs's skin. Women didn't have stubble, as least not on their faces, he glanced at Chibs to see that the Scotsman was scrutinizing him closely. Tig observed their subdued reaction but shrugged as he dried his hands and left. The door closed behind him with a near click leaving Chibs and Juice in silence again, after what felt like an eternity Chibs slapped a hand on his shoulder and said, "How 'bout a drink?"

Juice agreed feeling relieved and they walked to the bar where everyone was in excellent spirits celebrating Oakland and whatever business Laroy had there. Juice was glad that the threat was momentarily gone as well and toasted with the others. The only one of them who acknowledged that nothing had been solved was Jax, he was celebrating just as much as the others, but he still looked troubled.

Juice allowed the alcohol to expel some of his anxiety but it did nothing to wash away his lust, his heart was still racing and his breath short. No one seemed to notice it though and he tried to keep it that way by not staring at Chibs all the damn time. By his third drink Juice had settled into some semblance of calm, he was happy after all, but he wasn't going to risk drinking anything stronger than beer to keep from throwing up. He was happy, or had been until he realized that Chibs had disappeared; Juice had be talking with Happy, or rather, to Happy and he couldn't even remember the topic of their one-sided conversation as he set down his beet. He got up and left the clubhouse, the sky immediately pressed down on him, the sun long gone but the warmth still hanging around.

He looked around the lot to see Chibs mounting his bike. "Want to get drunk at my place?" Juice called out, feeling ridiculous because he was fucking blushing as Chibs looked at him considering his invitation. After a few minutes he finally nodded, Juice turned back into the clubhouse to grab his helmet and keys, walking back out towards his bike and was surprised to see Chibs sitting on his bike waiting.

Juice secured his helmet with slightly shaking hands and he was reminded of a few nights ago when he was having in the same difficulty, so sure that his life was over because Chibs would surely tell the entire club and he would lose everything he cared about. The ride over to his apartment was over too soon and his heart hammered in his chest as he led the way to his apartment. Once inside he threw his keys on the side table by the door, then set his helmet down gently and pulled his handgun from the back of his pants as they walked into the living room.

"Would you like a drink?" Juice asked Chibs.

"Whisky?"

"Comin' up." Juice said. He was no longer feeling the nervous anticipation he had before, no this was fear, about what they were going to do… Juice didn't know if he was ready for it. The roughness of the kiss had been weird enough but the thought of sex with the older man was even worse. He couldn't work out how it worked and whether he'd enjoy it, but that wasn't why he was scared. This was one of those times that he wished he had a door between the living room and the kitchen something he could close for a while.

Instead he collected glasses and a bottle of whiskey from the kitchen, aware of the way Chibs's eyes followed his progress. Chibs stretched his arms above his head in a gestured seemingly intended to arouse Juice; his usually pale arms were slightly tanned and Juice groaned inwardly. He placed two glasses on the coffee table and poured a generous amount of whisky into both. His back was sweat and the couch protested with a squeak when Juice lowered himself onto it, when Chibs shifted to grab his glass his leg brushed Juice's and Juice practically jumped out of his skin.

_I swear it's the weather. It's making everyone antsy. It's making me act crazy. Really. It's not the proximity to Chibs. It's not the feeling of his leg against mine. _

He felt like he was trying to explain his behavior to Jax, only Jax wasn't there, it was just the two of them and even to himself, Juice found it difficult to admit that he wanted Chibs fiercely. The intensity of his desire made him uncomfortable, along with the fact that Chibs could reduce him to this. He gulped down a few more drinks before he realized that no amount of drink was going to calm him down. His shirt was plastered to his back and his foot kept tapping against the coffee table. He needed to be touched so badly that his skin felt like it was on fire, somehow though, that was a good feeling.

"I've never done this before," He admitted and was relieved when his voice was reliable, no cracking. Chibs didn't comment and Juice didn't give a shit, he wasn't interested in how many guys the other many have been with and he didn't mind if this didn't mean anything to the older man.

Chibs downed his whiskey and got up from the couch briefly fixing Juice with a stare before he said, "Bedroom."

There was a thinly veiled threat in his voice that frightened and thrilled juice at the same time, like wasn't like Ruby, Ruby didn't like him all that much and her contempt was never feigned. Chibs on the other hand care, whatever elso his friend's feelings might be, Juice knew at least that. Chibs disappeared into the bedroom without waiting to see whether Juice was coming, and after taking a deep breath Juice stood up and followed. They removed their boots and socks first, both moving in synchronization. Juice opened the window hoping to get the stale air in the bedroom out and then Chibs beckoned him over.

Chibs's large, calloused hands pulled him closer by his neck and their mouths collided almost painfully. The moist heat accompanied with their swirling tongue was almost too much for Juice, but the aroma of whiskey, cigarettes, and sweat blending together in their mouths was familiar, ordinary, yet it was unlike any other kiss. It wasn't the liquor or the lingering taste of smoke that made it unique, but the sweat that tasted stronger and muskier than usual. It made the kiss distinctly male and it sent a shiver down Juices spine, he licked his way to Chibs's earlobe and took it into his mouth.

"Just tonight," Chibs murmured into his ear and that was it. Juice got it, it fucking hurt, but he got it. He sank his teeth into Chibs's earlobe trying to share some of the sting and got a sharp intake of breath for his troubles. They took their turns eagerly undressing the other, cuts, shirts, and pants were discarded before the wrestled each other on the bed. Some things took longer to adjust to, like the heavier weight of his partner, fewer curves, Chibs being taller than him, more hair, and the extra strength. What surprised Juice though was how much it turned him on, it was unbelievably hot and the clammy heat had nothing to do with it.

Their hands grew slippery on each other's bodies, Chibs on top and his hands wandered over the younger man's sensitive skin, it drove Juice crazy to think that those hands could so easily bruise him or inflame him.

"I want you in me," Juice panted as he impatiently tore at the fabric separating them. Chibs paused to sit up and looked down at Juice; he brushed his hair back and Juice was filled with longing at the lack of touch.

"You sure?" Chibs asked. Juice's lust was like a fucking fire burning through his body as he groped behind him and managed to open the night stand drawer, he closed his hand around a tube and condoms then threw them down on the bed next to him. Chibs stepped out of his baggy boxers as Juice rid himself of his last item of clothing too, his anxiety returning full force when Chibs kneeled between his knees.

"Relax Juicy, I ain't gonna hurt you," Chibs rumbled when he felt Juice's body tense and heard the man under his swallow nervously. The Scot applied lube to his fingers and nonchalantly he reached down between Juice's legs and Juice's breath hitched in his throat.

Juice held himself perfectly still to give his body time to accustom itself to the stranger sensation while Chibs watched his face closely for any signs of discomfort before he added a second finger. Chibs was being careful so it didn't hurt, but the feeling wasn't entirely pleasant either then Chibs did something, Juice wasn't sure what, a curling of his finger maybe, but something amazing happened.

"Fucking hell," Juice breathed as his hips came of the bed, Chibs facial scars elongated as he smiled and he kept hitting that certain spot sending wave after wave of delight through Juice. Chibs leaned forward suddenly and aligned himself with the body under him, sliding inside with remarkable ease as Juice let out a long moan. Their movements were almost simultaneous, slowly at first but quickly gaining speed; Juice scratched the other man's back in an effort to gain some sort of grip. His wrist was smarting painfully and the relentless thrusting was starting to become painful but the pleasure was still outweighing the pain.

Chibs reached between their bodies and to Juice's astonishment began rubbing his cock, the caress immediately brought him to the brink and seconds later Chibs came, pulling out and rolling onto his side quickly. The thick and sluggish air felt cold against his burning skin and he felt like jelly when he leaned over to grab some tissues from the nightstand to clean himself with.

Women usually liked hearing stuff after sex like, 'let's do this again sometime,' or 'you're special', 'I love you' was used only in extreme circumstances like when the sex had been really fucking awesome or when it was true; both worked for this situation but Juice knew it was the last thing Chibs wanted to hear.

Instead he grazed the chest of his fellow Son with his nails, reluctantly pulling his hand back when he got Chibs attention, even though his skin prickled at the touch.

"Thanks. Night." Juice closed his eyes drowsily, and began counting all the reason why he'd have a hell of a time falling asleep when all the sleep deprivation caught up with him and he dozed off.

**Chibs/Juice**

**A/N: Let me know what you think if you've got a minute. **


	5. I Don't Need Nice

Juice woke up gasping and he shoved himself upright, he put his hands to his face and pulled them away wet; he breathed a sigh of relief when he saw it was just sweat, he could see that much by the glow of the alarm clock. He tried to find the light switch when something crashed to the floor; sounded like a gun.

"Damn, He mumbled and then the previous night came back to him. "Chibs?" The space next to him was empty, but still warm, not that that was a useful clue in this heat. He continued to fumble for the switch as his fingers trembled, it was infuriating, feeling disoriented was ones thing but vulnerable? Not fucking okay. It was a dream, and dreams meant nothing, Juice desperately attempted to stick to that philosophy but it didn't work this time. The blood may not be there now, but it had been. He reached for the switch again and he immediately located it, his heart beating so fast it was humming, he flipped the switch and blinked. Chibs's clothes and gun were gone so Juice gave up and lay back down on the bed, jumping up again when he heard a noise coming from the living room; he grabbed his gun and went to investigate.

A fully clothes Chibs was standing halfway through the front door, obviously hoping for a quiet getaway and didn't seem pleasure he'd failed. His gaze flicked to the gun in Juice's hand which was still pointed at his heart then back at Juice with raised eyebrows. The Scotsman entire being screamed 'this is not a big deal, so let's not make it one,' and no matter how hard Juice tried he couldn't help feeling defeated. The way his hand hovered over the doorknob made it clear that he was itching to get the fuck out of there.

"Roosevelt wanted a sample, to test or something, I don't know. He knew about my dad so I had to. I took the brick, but when I tried to put it back Miles caught me, we fought, I won. Then you told me nobody gave a shit about who my dad was but I was already in too deep, I couldn't stop. It wasn't the Sons they were after, they promised me the club would be safe it I did what they said." The speech was clumsy and muddled but the message rang clear through the silence that met it: he had betrayed the club. He hadn't meant to say that, or maybe he had; either way it was pathetic, he resented the feeble 'it wasn't us they wanted' bit the most.

"Fuck!" Juice whispered. Why the fuck had he done that? He could have shut up but no, instead he decided to spill his guts to Chibs; who was still standing by the door with Juice's gun pointed at his chest. Fuck me, fuck me for stupidly assuming Chibs was going to stay the night, fuck me for thinking his presence would help, fuck me for putting this on him, just fuck me.

"Fuck!" Juice repeated as he lowered the gun and himself onto the couch, he dropped his head into his hands because it felt like lead. Soon rain began pouring down onto the tin roof but instead of alleviating the tension is seemed to emphasize how screw he was. Suddenly Chibs was in front of him clutching his shoulders and Juice released a shuddering breath at the contact.

"Is it over?" Chibs hissed and when Juice nodded numbly he continued, "Did you sign anything?"

A huge crack of thunder reverberated through the apartment drowning out his reply and breaking through his thin calm. When Chibs gently guided Juice's shaven head towards his stomach he gratefully rested his head against the fabric of the older man's shirt. He tried to repeat what he had said but Chibs silenced him by pulling his closer.

"Never mind," Chibs murmured as he rubbed his fingers across Juice's scalp, Juice buried his face deeper into the dirty leather and braced himself against Chibs frame. "It's a'right, Juice, I got you."

The rain had reached a startling crescendo outside and when a bolt of lightning branched downward, briefly illuminating the apartment Juice pulled away.

"Will you always be this nice to me?" Juice asked and Chibs looked at him for a long time before answering, he narrowed his eyes and curled his finger around the back of the couch; the only sounds were the rain gushing from the roof and their breathing.

"Aye," Chibs responded finally with a nod and fuck if that didn't raise every hair on the back of Juice's neck.

"Mind tellin' me why?"

Chibs caught Juice's wrist and circled the bruises with his fingers lining them up with the bruises keeping his touch light enough that Juice didn't feel any pain. Chibs inched his fingers up Juice's arm when Juice sighed and slowly began to trace the lean muscles and bones underneath the skin; suddenly Juice became aware of the fact that he was still half naked.

A little tug on Juice's elbow and he was on his feet, the pounding rain on the roof was dulled by the sound of their ragged breathing. Juice leaned forward and kissed the scar tissue on Chibs face, silently cusing Jimmy O. He licked his way into Chibs's mouth while he wound his arms around the other man; Chibs's strong hands were on Juice's hips apply pressure to his hip bone. They were kissing lazily, Chibs making no attempt to move on to the next stage, and Chibs deliberately slowed them down by pulling from the kiss to place one at the corner of Juice's mouth.

Their stubble cause a friction that would probably rub them both raw if they continued, unable to take not touching the other man any longer Juice slipped his hands in Chibs's jeans but the Scotsman stepped away smiling. "Bedroom." It was the same thing he had said before but somehow different.

Juice waited on the bed as Chibs undressed, it was better this time, more familiar and more intimate, Juice felt less awkward at having Chibs enter him and they waited for what felt like forever before they finally began moving. Chibs fucked him unhurriedly, their rhythm remaining constant as Juice sucked on his shoulder almost trying to taste the tattoos. His teeth grazed the perspiring skin leaving tiny marks that changed from white to red as he looked at them; he bit down harder to leave a lasting impression it seemed only right that he should mark Chibs since he had marked his wrist.

Juice decided to try something so he rolled them over and almost off the bed but he proceeded to ride Chibs, in between thrusts Juice murmured stupid stuff such as 'come on, fuck me harder, I'm so close'. Somehow as he got nearer to his release two priceless words were uttered:

"Love you." Juice froze as his brain registered what he said, but Chibs pretended not to hear, something that didn't ease Juice's panic, and the Scotsman took the opportunity to reclaim control by flipping them over. He pinned Juice into the mattress and resumes their leisurely rhythm. Juice ignore how fucking good this new angle felt, which allowed Chibs to slide a little deeper inside and Juice tried to explain his declaration.

"That wasn't—I don't mean—Damn. I mean, it's true, but I don't mean to, ya know, say it. It slipped out, don't say anything."

Chibs remained quiet as requested but continued to bring them both closer to a climax, wearily Juice considered Chibs's motives. One time was a favor; two times was something else, it was nice too, just as Chibs promised.

"I don't need you to be nice," He choked out, confused, but again Chibs didn't speak he simply picked up the pace. Juice averted his gaze to look out at the rain sweeping down in sheets past the window; the sound of brimming gutters soothed his inner turmoil and calmed him. Storms, water overflowing, cleaning the gutters; that was part of normal life, it was normal, this was not. Having sex with your friend and telling him you love him and having him be so nice to you through it all really wasn't normal.

Chibs brough him back to the fucked up present by kissing him, which Juice instinctively returned and they moaned into each other's mouths their breath hot on strange lips. Chibs's hair was tickling Juice's face she Juice reached up to slick it back and their eyes locked, that did it. They shook against each other during their orgasms and continued to fuck irregularly, untangling afterwards quickly but not unkindly.

Juice lay awake repeating over and over in his mind _one time is a favor; two times is something else. _Juice reached out shyly and let his arm nonchalantly fall across the other man's body, Chibs didn't move, or push him away but after a few second Juice lost heart as he withdrew his arm. Without missing a beat Chibs turned towards him and put the arm back in its former place around his bare chest.


	6. Because He Knows

The next morning, Chibs was gone, Juice had expected it so he simply shrugged it off. Who gave a fuck what it all meant? Two times had been more than he had ever even dared to think about and not he had to forget it. How hard could that be?

Pretty damn hard as it turned out.

The day crept by but he managed to keep from embarrassing himself, he kept his head down, did his job, and got out. Juice fooled himself into thinking he was over it on the ride home and he believed it too; up until the moment he stepped into his apartment and saw Chibs pack of cigarettes lying on the coffee table.

He ignored the pack as he popped a pizza into the microwave and waited for it to be ready; the minutes ticking by like hours but Juice determinedly ignored the slow passage of time. So what if Chibs had forgotten his cigarettes? That didn't mean shit and Juice wasn't going to do anything dumb like attach any meaning to it. He did some stuff around the apartment while the pizza cooked, he cleaned his fridge out, collected his mail, emptied all the ashtrays, and tried not to think like a chick; he didn't succeed.

Their whiskey glasses were still sitting where they had left them the night before, the pack of cigarettes right next to them. Juice sat down to eat the pizza which turned out to be still half-frozen not that he tasted it anyway; a knock on the door pulled his thoughts away from the previous night. He wiped some tomato sauce off his chin as he stood to answer the door; he grabbed his gun knowing it could be anyone, and held it behind his back as he opened the door.

"Hi baby," Ruby crooned, and Juice slouched against the door in disappointment, his on again off again girlfriend tried to slip past him but he wasn't in the mood to deal with her. He blocked the doorway causing her to pause, he noticed that her smooth, flat stomach was peeking out from under her shirt and his gaze traveled up over her tits to her brown eyes.

"Not interested," He said dryly.

"You're always interested," She argued, sounding both angry and confused.

"Not anymore," Juice answered and pushed her outside, the surprise of his rejection was enough for him to get the door closed, it remained still for a minute before she threw herself again it.

"Who is it? Who's the slut? I'll kill her," Ruby screamed as she kicked and tore at the door. There was a pause while she breathed, Juice guessed, but it was just a change of tactics.

"Fuck you, I can do so much better, you know, all those times I pretended to be disgusted with you? I wasn't pretending. You're a pathetic loser, you're nothing, and you're nothing without me." She spit at the door for good measure and he half expected a brick through the window but reasoned that spit wasn't half-bad. The cigarettes in the living suddenly demanded his full attention but he ignored them as he went back to his cold pizza.

He checked the microwave clock when it started to grow dark outside, the smart thing to do was drop the rest of his cold dinner and get some sleep but it was well established that he wasn't smart.

"Fuck it," He said out loud to the empty room as he grabbed the cigarettes off the table, he was going to use them as an excuse to drop by Chibs's place; apparently he really was pathetic. Juice grabbed his helmet trying not to think about how Chibs was going to see right through him and his stupid excuse. Something inside Juice churned on the ride to Chibs's, almost like an omen, though what else could go wrong he didn't know. His heart raced when he pulled up to Chibs's house, light was streaming from every window in sight meaning that the Scot was still up. Juice put his helmet under his arm, the crumpled cigarettes in his right hand and he walked up to the door and knocked, only noticing the doorbell afterwards.

The door opened a silver and then wider when Chibs saw him, the man didn't seem happy to see him, just worn down and Juice stuffed the cigarettes into his back pocket suddenly feeling stupid as the Scotsman raised an eyebrow.

"I just—" Juice mumbled but Chibs pulled him inside then shoved him roughly against the wall causing Juice to drop his helmet when he hit his head. The door fell shut while they kissed and they wreaked havoc on the house as they scuffled the floor, banged into furniture, damaging plaster and shedding clothes everywhere.

The unfamiliar layout of the place made Juice barge into the kitchen, while he shimmied out of his clothes Chibs did the same, and then they were kissing again. The stumbled into the fridge then veered away from it as the appliance wobbled dangerously.

"Hurt me," Juice pleaded with Chibs and the older man didn't seem adverse to the idea as he directed Juice towards the kitchen table. He made the younger man bend over it his underwear hanging around his ankles, when the first finger found its way inside Juice, he gasped but it didn't slow Chibs down. Chibs took him hard and fast from behind, no lube, no condom, no love but he didn't allow himself to think like that; it hurt like Ruby had never hurt him. Juice panted with lust as he allowed Chibs to fuck him, accepting that he probably wouldn't be able to walk properly the next day.

Chibs grunt once and it was over, Juice remained lying face-down on the table closing his eyes against the bright lights. "You fucking knock me out you know that?" Chibs murmured as he buttoned his pants up, he looked exhausted and avoided eye contact with Juice.

"Look at me, what are you doing? What's this?" Juice demanded, this act was getting old fast. His phone beeped from the floor but he ignored it.

"Do you want me to say it? 'Cause I'll say it," Chibs asked, the warning in his voice clear, not the way you want to get hurt; that message was clear and Juice definitely wasn't going to like the answer.

No, I don't want to hear your shit anymore," He snapped viciously as he walked bare-assed over to his jeans and pulled his phone out. The familiar 'this isn't going to end well' feeling was back in his gut as he read the text from Jax.

_Meet me first thing tomorrow morning. My house. We need to talk about your fuck buddy._

"Something up?" Chibs inquired from behind him and Juice shook his head; Ruby had done something, he just knew it. Damned that bitch and her inability to let shit go, now she had done something to fuck with his club life.

"Fuck you," Juice said angrily as he pulled his boxers up and then his jeans, Chibs watched him dress not stopping him until Juice went to pull his shirt on.

"I could care less about you," Chibs said, but it sounded empty. Juice didn't care anymore, he shoved the man away from his and pulled his shirt on.

"Know what Filip? I don't give a shit anymore." Juice said as he left the kitchen, he grabbed his gun and helmet from the ground exiting the house with a slam of the door. He walked towards the bike as a new thought crossed his mind; What if the fuck buddy Jax was referring to wasn't Ruby? What if the club president had somehow found out about Chibs and him? He mounted his bike with jerky movements and whipped the helmet away from his where it hit Chibs's bike. His eyes rose to meet Chibs's where he was standing on his porch before Juice peeled out of his driveway slinging gravel and mud.

(~~~~~)

Light was already filtering through the curtains when Juice came to. It was like coming out of a coma. He mounted his bike slowly feeling the rough treatment Chibs had given him as he settled on the unforgiving seat. When he pulled up in front of Jax's house the dread in his stomach grew and he knocked on the door praying for a miracle.

Tara answered it wearing a faded oversized shirt and shorts, her eyes were puffy and her hair was a mess but he was still hot. "You here for Jax?" She asked, her throat sounding like he'd just woken up. At his nod she stepped aside to let him in, "Come on it then, he's in the shower."

He followed her into the kitchen trying not to eye her legs, she told him to sit once they were in the kitchen but the ache in Juice's ass made him decline; Tara shrugged, less as a sign of indifference and more a friendly 'suit yourself'.

"Sorry. Coffee?" She offered and Juice accepted with a smile and thanks. He couldn't keep his eyes off her as she walked around the small room, why couldn't he love a woman? That would make like a shit load easier and it would look a lot more appetizing in the morning. That line of thought took him to how Chibs have looked when they had woken up and his dick twitched, so apparently Chibs was plenty attractive.

Tara scrutinized him as he cracked his knuckles pulling his thoughts away from Chibs before he got a full on erection. "Are you in trouble? She asked, concern in her voice; when he met her eyes they were piercing and fearless, Juice wishes he could be as direct as her.

Don't know yet, how's your hand?" Juice said as he tried to smile. The cast was still on her wrist and she looked at it as if she had forgotten its existence, an expression flitted across her face but it was gone too quickly for Juice to properly see. She was so much like Jax, Juice realized, they were both nearly impossible to read.

"Better, I'm going to go check on Abel and Thomas for a minute." She said and she left; the only indication that something was off was the coffee sitting forgotten on the counter. He heard her call out for Jax telling him Juice was there, and listened as doors opened then closed.

Jax entered the kitchen and poured himself a cup of coffee and drank it slowly while he stood by the counter, smiling down at Abel where he tottered into the kitchen. Tara picked him up and exchanged a look with Jax before she took the toddler into the living room; yep he was in deep shit.

"You're girlfriend call me last night," Jax began; he sat down and gestured for Juice to get himself some coffee which Juice happily obliged with his head spinning. "She told me you were with Chibs yesterday." He kept allowing gaps to fall in between his sentences allowing Juice the opportunity to respond, but Juice resisted the urge to fill the blanks by sipping his coffee.

"She said you spend the night with him."

Another pause.

"She claimed you two are lovers." Another long pause. Too long. He knew what was coming but he still waited a fraction too long before responding.

"What? She must've been drunk. She's just made that I broke up with her, for real this time," Juice added. Great, now he was protesting too much he should stuck with simply laughing it off.

Jax seemed to consider this for a moment before he took a sip of his coffee and explained Ruby had given him proof; photos. Juice roze, the brightly lit kitchen table flashed before him, they hadn't taken the action into the privacy until much later. Fuck. During the silence that followed Jax watched his closely eventually shoving the chair beside him out as an invitation.

"Ain't you gonna sit?" He asked, the question a little too innocent and the first thing that popped into his head was 'nah, I'm okay, but that would only arouse Jax's suspicion. Juice sat down slowly, managing not to flinch but he had given the game away nonetheless.

"I take it your bottom then?" Jax shook his head and whispered, "You stupid bastard." The observation sounded less disgusted and more disappointed, it was similar to a father talking to a son who had made a mistake; not too serious a mistake either. Kind of like getting caught sneaking out at night when you were grounded, not have had a stable family life himself, Juice was just guessing at normal here.

"So that's what all the tension was about?" Jax muttered, more to himself than to Juice. Abel was talking up a storm in the next room with Tara and then weighing in with a few words. The pair of them listened to Jax's family for a moment, Jax smiling faintly before refocusing on Juice.

"Well, you got it outta your system now." Juice started at the suggestion of finishing it causing the president to sigh. "Juice, you have to end it."

"I can't." Juice said. He didn't even say that he wished he could because he truthfully didn't want to. He had never wanted anything as much as he wanted a life with Chibs, he looked into the other room where Tara was sitting on the floor with Abel between her legs piecing together a puzzle. She brushed her hair out of her face and looked up to meet Juice's eyes, her expression sympathetic as she stood up and entered the kitchen.

Good morning baby," Jax drawled as he pulled her onto his lap, if Juice hadn't been sitting there, it could have been a regular morning at the Knowles-Teller household; a random scene of domesticity. Jax kissed Tara and she laughed throatily before struggling to get to get feet.

"Not in front of Juice," She warned and her protest brough a smile to the president's face.

"Prude," Jax shot back but reluctantly released her, Juice barely knew Tara but as she poured herself some coffee he thought that he knew what she was doing. She had seen the look on his face, seen that he had obviously been about to crack and was buying Juice time to collect himself. Jax obviously understood too and Tara knew that Jax got it; they sized each other up over their coffee mugs, grinning at the other while Juice observed them with interest.

The pair exchanged another look before Tara nodded and left her coffee in her hand this time. Jax watched her ass as she exited the room and she cast Juice an apologetic smile that softened her features before she shut the door. Jax immediately turned back to Juice with a serious face and laid down the law.

"You don't get it, I'm not asking you to, I'm telling you to put a stop to it. Personally I don't give a shit, but that is how the club works. You don't fuck other Sons."

Something in Juice kicked in at those words, some sort of self-destruction or defense mechanism. Juice didn't really do sarcasm, but in his anger it rolled off his tongue as if he was an expert. "Why? Too hard to decide which one would be an old lady? What exactly were the first nine worried about when it came to members fucking mubmers?"

"Watch you volume," Jax hissed, fixing Juice with an angry glare. Juice blinked, effectively silenced, whatever tiny spark had set off his sudden outburst it was quickly snuffed out, or redirected to be more precise. He knew who was to blame for this: Ruby.

"End it. That's an order."

(~~~~)

It took Juice the better part of the day to track Ruby down because she wasn't at her work, and she wasn't at her parents' house either. Juice didn't know any of her friends; it hadn't really been that kind of relationship. He scoured the streets of Charming for her but the longer it took the less he wanted to find Ruby. What would he do when he found her? He couldn't beat her up; she was a woman.

There she was, entering a store, she was alone so Juice parked his bike and waited until she came outside. He snuck up behind her and yanked the bag from her shoulder, Ruby paled when she saw him but didn't object as he emptied the contents of her purse onto the pavement. His boot stomped on her phone until the only remnants of it were slivers of dark plastic and a dented memory card; he picked the card up and slipped it into his pocket.

"I hope for your sake that I just destroyed all your proof," Juice growled angrily and she nodded, she had fear in her eyes but also pride and respect; those two went hand in hand with Ruby. He had always known that but somehow seeing it made him sick, not as sick as the thought of having to face Chibs and tell him it was over though.

(***)

At the clubhouse that night, Juice when to the bathroom to collect himself. He hadn't said anything to Chibs yet about his visit to Jax because, well, Juice was a coward. He couldn't bring himself to end it, if he was brutally honest with himself nothing had even start, if he was even more honest, there was no reason to tell Chibs. Juice could just stop inviting Chibs to his apartment and showing up in the middle of the night at the other man's place.

"Snap out of it," He told himself angrily, splashing water onto his face a few times with cold water. Jax sauntered into the bathroom and Juice didn't look away fast enough, now he had the image of the presidents dick in his head which only made him think of Chibs and how Chibs's dick felt in his mouth.

"You okay?" Jax asked, frowning slightly when Juice quickly nodded and smiled; he was officially going to get his shit together no more emotions and whatnot spewing from his mind. Chibs and Juice were over, but regardless of his newfound resolution he asked Jax a question.

"Can I ask you something? It's about… this morning. Why me? Why didn't you tell Chibs?

There was something close to pity in Jax's gaze when he looked at Juice, which should have clued Juice into the shock he was about to receive, as it was, he was taken completely unawares.

'Because he knows.'


	7. GoodBye To You

Juice felt a whole cycle of emotions in a matter of seconds after Jax left the bathroom; a sinking in the pit of his stomach, anger at Chibs for not telling him, happiness that this might be what held the older man back, then the sinking feeling again when he realized they were done.

When he settled finally on anger, it was a conscious choice, something to fuel himself force him to do what was required. He gripped his wrist and twisted the skin, the flesh turned white hot and red when his fingers slipped, his anger poured out of him as he hit his wrist against the hard sink again and again until he lost count of the number of times he hit it. He bit his lip against the pain refusing to make any noise, the last thing he needed was someone walking in to check on him. The pain was twice as bad when the sink connected with the old bruises, good, he wanted to cover those up instead of seeing Chibs's fingers imprinted into his skin every time he looked down. Juice bit his lip bloody to keep from crying out as he repeatedly hit his wrist.

He would have kept banging away if Chibs hadn't come in, but his presence made Juice abruptly stop and shoved his hand into his pocket. He turned away from the other man's concern as he cautiously walked towards Juice like he was a wounded animal. There was something sweet about the slow approach, something caring and protective, Juice thought resenting the shit out of it and the man in front of him.

When Chibs reached out to touch him, Juice backed away turning his hate-filled gaze to look to Chibs's eyes. He delivered the news, spat it out really; "Jax told me to end it, so I'm ending it." It was simple as that and he walked forward to pass the Scottish man who put a hand out to stop him. Juice's anger shattered and he used the full force of his fury to shove Chibs away from him; watching in satisfaction as the man slammed into the wall behind him next to the door.

"Don't fucking touch me you asshole," Juice snarled when he was next to Chibs, hurt flashing in his friend's eyes but he ignored it as he left the bathroom and slammed the door behind him. Curious glances followed his process through the clubhouse but it was all a haze, here he had been worried about hurting Chibs's feelings or whatever when Chibs had known all along that they wouldn't be together. Fuck him.

Juice mounted his bike, disregarding the helmet on his handlebars that had obviously been placed there by Chibs. The sound of footsteps made him look up to see Jax and Chibs standing under the overhang of the clubhouse staring at him; Jax with concern and Chibs with hurt. He flipped his middle finger up at the two of them as he started his bike, feeling the soothing vibrations underneath him. His tires spun as he suddenly accelerated trying to find purchase on the slick ground, he fish tailed as he peeled out and his heart soared with how awesome it must have looked.

The roads were slippery but he refused to adjust his speed even when he could feel the tires losing their grip and skid occasionally. It was a disappointment that he didn't crash. Upon the arrival at his apartment he started drinking heavily, partly to fuel his anger, partly to dull the familiar ache of wanting and needing Chibs. His jaw clenched under the intensity of the wanting and in an attempt to 'get it out of his system' and Jax, understanding nothing, had suggested he pulled his aching dick out of his pants. His thoughts focused on Chibs the entire time, his hand between their bodies, Chibs's mouth sucking him off. Juice came hard but felt no relief in it; so much for forgetting.

Juice felt like crying as he wiped his hand off but instead he grabbed the bottle of whiskey from the table and chugged it down, the glass clanking against his teeth painfully. They say that for every high there must be a low, and the high felt fucking cheap if this was the low. Who was he kidding? Every second with Chibs had been worth it, but as Juice drank while the night grew long and cool he knew it wouldn't ever be enough. Eventually, when the room was spinning around him even sitting and he felt like he was dying, he stumbled to bed and let sleep claim him.

(~~~~)

There was blood in his mouth, not Miles's, his own blood.

"Shh, s'alrigh, go back to sleep."

With that voice in Juice's ear everything swung into place with dizzying speed, there were arms around him, Chibs's body wrapped against his back; a quick twist and he shoved Chibs out of the bed and onto the floor. The room spun as Juice struggled to stand up, taking one head clearing breath before he charged at the man trying to stand to his feet. Chibs and Juice crashed into the wall making Chibs groan, Juice missed his mark on the first try hitting the wall with his fist with a dull thud, but he merely tried again. His fist connected with Chibs's jaw and Juice rained blows down onto the man satisfied when he pulled his knuckles away wet with the man's blood.

Chibs finally recovered enough to shove Juice away and slam into the bed, Juice tried to stay on his feet while the room swam; he swayed with it and laughed humorlessly.

"You knew it wasn't fucking allowed, so why?" Juice spat at the Scotsman who was looking up at where he stood from where Chibs sat on the floor, wiping the blood from his face. They were both panting but Chibs didn't answer as he stood up and walked to where Juice was attempting to stay on his feet. "Well?" Juice demanded shoving Chibs who still didn't respond.

"I don't get it, you could have chosen anyone to fuck with, why me?" Juice asked angrily. He closed his eyes and remembered the conversation they had had somewhere near the beginning of this whole shitty mess where he'd told Chibs he loved him. God, he felt sick. That made him think about the time he had blurted it out during sex, which sent Juice running for the bathroom. The alcohol burned just as much coming up as it did going down, he dragged himself up to the sink and saw that he looked like shit in the mirror.

He held his head under the tap and washed his face, he drank some water in an attempt to get the vile taste from his mouth. When he emerged from the bathroom Chibs was waiting, sitting at Juice's kitchen table again. The house wasn't moving anymore but Juice's movements were shaky as he rummaged through the kitchen drawers looking for a peppermint; when he found one he held it up to the light to inspect it then popped it into his mouth and swirled it.

"How'd you get in?" Juice croaked, the words felt like sandpaper to his throat.

"What happened to your wrist?" Chibs asked as his eyes flicked to Juice's mangled wrist, dodging the question completely. Fine, two can play that game, Juice thought, pointedly ignoring the question as well. He watched as Chibs offered him a cigarette but he shook his head and watched as Chibs lit one and inhaled deeply.

"It can't go any farther than it already has, this has to be it," Chibs informed him. Juice observed the man gesturing with his cigarette between them to indicate what he meant, us; last time Juice checked he had already broken it off so this little show of dominance really pissed him off. The memory of waking up to Chibs wrapped around him flashed through his mind and Juice's anger flared up again.

"What the fuck where you doing wrapped about me then huh? Decided you could just fucking sleep with me then slip out in the morning?" Juice yelled at Chibs, he threw himself into one of the chairs and grabbed one of the cigarettes from the pack and lit it.

"Tell me you'll be fine," Chibs asked on a sigh, again ignoring the questions Juice fired at him. Juice raised his eyes, the bastard had some nerve, Juice ground his barely lit cigarette with slow, vicious twists into the ashtray.

"No, unlike you, I'm not gonna lie. I don't think I'll get over you but let's not dwell on that okay?" Juice replied, it sounded bitter and awesome, and Juice felt triumphant at finally getting the sarcastic bits down. Chibs's face was pleading with him to stop but Juice continued mercilessly.

"Look at me, look me in the fucking eyes and tell me that you don't want this as much as I do; tell me you don't wish we would have it and don't give me your 'it's only gonna trip up us' shit. Tell me you don't give a damn about me, if it's the truth, I dare you." Juice challenged fearlessly.

The Scotsman looked anywhere but at Juice, his cigarette dangling forgotten between his fingers as he swallowed thickly and repeatedly. When Chibs finally did look up, Juice realized that for once he had floored Chibs, knocked him out, defeated him.

"You were never just anyone to me, never will be," Chibs admitted hoarsely. Their eyes met briefly but immediately parted and Juice found himself swallowing thickly, the ache for the man sitting in front of his returned with a force that almost made Juice drop to his knees. Instead he looked out the window and saw that it was no longer night, but morning and it was over.

Juice cleared his throat as Chibs pushed his chair back and got to his feet roughly; Juice extended his hand towards the man awkwardly but Chibs ignored his hand.

"Fuck that," Chibs said as he drew Juice in for a kiss, it was heated and slightly tinged with anger. They could have fucked right then and there, one for the road so to speak, and maybe they should have. But they didn't, later Juice wondered if it would've made things easier or harder. It wouldn't change that he couldn't touch Chibs anymore, it wouldn't change anything; they would always and constantly be reminded, by the Sons surround them, that that brought them together also kept them apart.

(~~~~~)

**Later that day**

Juice walked out of the clubhouse with Jax and the rest of the guys, and saw Chibs riding into the lot and his chest suddenly constricted. He had made the decision fast, without second thoughts or doubt, it wasn't long term or because he didn't want to be a Son; no, it was because he had to get the fuck away from the man now walking towards the group.

The look on the scots face made it clear he knew something was up but Juice didn't give him the chance to say anything, didn't even look at him as he slipped the cut from his back and handed it to Jax. His president took it from him, meeting Juice's eyes briefly, before they flicked to the man standing behind Juice.

"Good luck," Jax said, his voice firm but his eyes were sad. Juice looked at his brothers standing behind their president. They shook hands briefly, the other Sons coming forward to pat his back and wish him luck; receiving hugs from Happy and Gemma. He turned on his heel, glancing briefly at the pained expression on Chibs's face as he finally realized what Juice was doing. He opened his mouth to say something but Juice walked directly past him and over to his bike, ignoring the man that had been everything him. He felt tears well in his eyes as he mounted his bike; he began to pull on his helmet before realizing that it was the clubs. He stared at it through the blurriness that was in his eyes before he got back off his bike and hung it on Chibs's handle bars.

Without a backwards glance he left the lot, left the club, and left Chibs.

(~~~~)

When the sound of Juice's motorcycle had faded away and the other Sons had returned to the clubhouse; Jax and Chibs remained outside. Jax watched Chibs closely, noting the way the man was breathing heavily his fist clenched into balls. Jax was taken aback when Chibs suddenly turned his gaze to his own and the look of misery on Chibs's face made his heart freeze.

"He left?" Chibs asked stupidly, the misery on his face echoed in his tone.

"Nomad," Jax confirmed and felt completely helpless as the hardened Scotsman fell to his knees staring at the spot where Juice's bike had just been, the only reminder of the younger man's presence was the bike helmet that was swinging from the older man's handle bars.

**Chibs/Juice**

**This is the last chapter that belongs to BookJunk, so what you recognize is hers. This isn't the end, so no worries, leave me your thoughts if you want. **


End file.
